Inspirational Quotes

Words to motivate, inspire, and guide you.

Groucho Marx Quotes

Hear the Author's Words

Aging Fulfillment Perspective Time Management Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Appearance Plastic Surgery She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Consumerism Humor Identity Irony Self Reflection I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Importance Thoughtfulness Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Hollywood Marriage Marriage Expectations Relationship Social Commentary In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Emotion Love Relationship Self-Perception Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

DYSFUNCTION Futility MISGUIDED EFFORTS Waste Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Individualism Nonconformity Wit I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Divisiveness Equality Politics Unity All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Deception Honesty Irony Judgment There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Belonging Independence Nonconformity Rejection Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

Discontent Humor Sarcasm I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Humor Reflection A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Education I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Disappointment Humor Sarcasm I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Deception Identity Integrity Miscommunication Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Ambition Life Purpose Perseverance I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Appreciation Enjoyment Familiarity Repetition If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Change Emotion Environment Tolerance Weather I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Humor Nonsense Wordplay Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Knowledge Practicality Utility My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

Humor Intelligence Irony Military Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Frustration Humor Intensity Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Humor Independence Nonconformity Self-deprecation I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Humor Self Reflection I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Forgiveness Gratitude Human Connection Memory I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Clarity Complexity Miscommunication Simplicity Understanding Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

Honesty Integrity The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Determination Humility Optimism Perspective Resilience I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Alliances Marriage Partnerships Relationship Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.